Reborn As Papa Silva

Chapter 37: She's Crazy!

Amara Silva: Former matriarch of House Silva, mother to Acier and Aurelia Silva, and maternal grandmother to Nozel, Nebra, Solid, Noelle, Kirsch, and Mimosa. As the oldest living member of the Silva main line, she should have held a position of revered status, her influence undeniable throughout the Silva estate. Even without formal power, she ought to have commanded a faction strong enough to curb some of Sebastian's abusive whims and the torment he inflicted on her granddaughter.

Yet, here he was, nine days after his transmigration, only now seeing her.

The reason was simple—Amara Silva hadn't lived in the Silva estate for a long time. After her husband's death, when Sebastian fully assumed his role as lord and looked to consolidate his control, Amara had become an eyesore. She was a hindrance to his ambitions, a reminder of the family's heritage that Sebastian had no interest in preserving.

So he made her life a quiet, persistent misery: meals served that ignored her dietary needs, incense and flowers in her quarters replaced with scents that aggravated her sensitivities. When Acier wasn't around, he would lash out at Amara. When Amara wasn't around, he would vent his anger even harder on Acier and her children, just to make a point.

She and her husband had married late, their daughters born in their early forties. Already feeling the strain of age, Amara couldn't bear the daily stress Sebastian imposed on her. But she wouldn't leave Acier and her children alone with the monster that was Sebastian Silva.

Acier eventually saw what this was doing to her mother. One night, she entered Sebastian's chambers—no one knew what was said, only that when she left, she approached Amara and urged her to go live with Aurelia for a time. Amara reluctantly agreed, promising she'd only be gone for a month.

Soon after she moved to House Vermillion, word reached her through secret channels: Sebastian was now neglecting his wife and children entirely. The message was clear: As long as you stay away from House Silva, I'll leave your daughter and grandchildren in peace. But come back, and things will return to how they were.

And so Amara had lived the rest of her life in the Vermillion estate, never daring even a visit, only seeing Acier and her grandchildren when they made the journey themselves.

But now, after over a decade, Amara Silva has returned to the Silva Estate. She could hold back no longer.

"Mother?" Amara sneered at Sebastian, her voice rough and edged with contempt. "When did I ever give you the right to call me that?"

Amara Silva's hatred for Sebastian ran deep.

Sebastian's cold expression twisted into a smirk. "You didn't. But I also don't recall giving you the right to call me by my first name. That's Lord Silva to you."

Amara let out a rasping chuckle, as if she'd just heard the most ridiculous thing in the world. "And where does an outsider mutt like you get off calling yourself the lord of House Silva?"

Acier, Nozel, Dorothy, Nebra, and Solid all frowned heavily at the exchange.

Sebastian scratched his chin, giving her a flat look. "Forgotten already, Amara? You were from a branch family too."

Amara snorted. "At least I was born with the Silva name."

There were differences, even among the branch families. Amara's was close to the main line, whereas Sebastian's was a branch of a branch family.

Sebastian shot her a nasty grin. "Just goes to show how impressive I am. Becoming Lord Silva without even being born a Silva."

Amara chuckled again, eyes roving over his attire with disdain. "Someone who doesn't even wear the Silva traditional garb isn't fit to be a member of our house, let alone its patriarch!"

Sebastian felt a smile tug at his lips and replied with sarcastic cheer. "Really?" He gave a dramatic spin, pretending to survey his outfit. "I thought the Silva uniform was outdated. This looks much more regal, don't you think?"

Aurelia snorted at her brother-in-law. "You look like a spoiled brat whose valet let him play dress-up."

Sebastian smiled sweetly at her. "And yet, it appears they made the right call, because the noble ladies seem to love it."

"Hmph!" Aurelia scoffed, unable to argue that point.

Amara wasn't about to let him have the last word. Grinding her teeth, she rasped, "So this is all a show? Trying to impress them?"

Sebastian's voice took on a light, teasing edge. "Just one special lady."

The room fell into an awkward silence. Acier, sitting up on her bed, flushed red as a tomato, lowering her head and hiding her face in her hands, fidgeting like a schoolgirl.

Dorothy, Nozel, Nebra, and Solid exchanged awkward glances, clearly wanting to leave.

Amara and Aurelia, meanwhile, wanted to slap some sense into Acier.

Acier, you fool! Amara cursed inwardly. After everything he's put you through, a few sweet words are all it takes to turn you into a lovesick girl again?

This wasn't the first time she'd thought about hiring House Francois to peek into her daughter's mind and figure out why she remained so infatuated with Sebastian, despite the torment and trauma he'd caused her. Once, she'd even secretly hired a curse specialist to check if Sebastian had cast some spell on Acier, but they'd found nothing.

Their conclusion? Acier just genuinely seemed obsessed with Sebastian Silva.

Amara sighed, refocusing on her granddaughter sitting in her lap. She was just about to turn the page of the storybook she'd been reading to Noelle when the baby perked up, her attention suddenly drawn elsewhere.

Noelle had just noticed her brother and father entering the room. She let out a delighted giggle, reaching out her tiny arms.

Aurelia and Amara exchanged warm smiles, thinking Noelle was excited to see Nozel.

"Baboo," Noelle squealed, eyes fixed on Sebastian.

The smiles on Aurelia and Amara's faces stiffened, while Nozel let out a resigned sigh.

Before either could respond, Sebastian stepped up behind Amara and lifted Noelle from her lap.

Amara snapped her head back, her voice breaking into a furious, raspy screech. "Give me my granddaughter back, you—"

She stopped short, her jaw dropping as she and Aurelia watched, dumbfounded, while Sebastian gently cradled Noelle. He held her outward, with her back resting comfortably against his chest, his arm steadying her across her tiny legs. Noelle snuggled happily into her father's arms, letting out little joyful sounds.

Relishing their stares, Sebastian threw a smug look Aurelia's way. "If you ever need a babysitter, I'm always available."

Aurelia shot him an icy glare and pulled her baby tighter in her lap. "As if!"

Mimosa squirmed at the tight hold, her brow furrowing slightly.

After a moment, Sebastian met Amara's bewildered gaze, grinning. "Well, Mother," he said, dragging out the word for effect. "Mind telling me what exactly you're doing in my house?"

Amara bit her lip, her hand clenching as she chose her words. She glanced at Dorothy and softened her tone. "I wanted to meet my new granddaughter...to see what kind of person she is."

Dorothy gave Amara an awkward smile, and Amara's gaze then shifted, darkening as it landed back on Sebastian. "You didn't force a marriage on Nozel, did you?"

"Mother!" Acier interrupted sharply, frowning. "How many times do I have to repeat myself? Nozel is—"

"I'm willing," Nozel cut in, his steady voice drawing all attention to him.

Without another word, Nozel stepped around the bed and stood behind Dorothy, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Very willing."

Dorothy blushed a deep red. Acier had stars in her eyes, while Nebra and Solid looked away, embarrassed.

Amara and Aurelia exchanged a perplexed glance before looking back at Sebastian. Ignoring the giggling Noelle in his arms, they felt a churn in their stomachs at his smug grin—though if they took a closer inspection, they would've noticed that it was more forced than smug.

This damn thief never learns, Sebastian thought bitterly.

Nozel felt an inexplicable tremor in his legs.

Sebastian's grin faded slightly, but his voice remained firm. "Well, you've met her now. You can be on your way."

Amara ground her teeth. "It's not just that, Lord Silva..." She spat out the title with such venom that many in the room cringed.

Pausing to catch her breath, she continued, "My daughter is on her deathbed. Naturally, she can't come to see me, so no matter what you do, I'm here to see her!"

Sebastian nodded, repeating himself with the same irritating smile. "Well, you've met her now, so you can get going."

Amara's brow twitched as she took a heavy breath to control herself. "Shouldn't you be the one going?"

"Oh?" Sebastian raised a brow in mock amusement. "And why would you say that?"

"What do you mean, why would she say that?!" Aurelia interjected, sneering as she shot him a dirty glare. "You've never cared about your family before. Just say whatever you came to say and get lost!" She narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure your precious paperwork and House Silva await your attention."

Sebastian ignored Aurelia's hostility, studying her and Amara for a moment before turning to Dorothy.

"Dorothy?"

"Yeah, Dad?" Dorothy perked up instantly.

Amara and Aurelia visibly flinched at her, addressing him as "Dad."

Sebastian smiled gently. "Could you put that chair away and take a big step back for a moment?"

Dorothy raised a brow, hesitant. "...Okay?" She stood, snapped her fingers, and the chair vanished in a swirl of purple and pink.

What kind of magic is that? Amara and Aurelia murmured, surprised.

Dorothy then took a big step back from Acier's bedside, and Nozel, meeting his father's look, did the same.

All eyes snapped to Sebastian as a tentacle of water sprouted from his back. Amara and Aurelia tensed, ready to summon their grimoires but holding back as they watched the tentacle shoot across the room, wrap itself around a Victoria couch, and gently lift it. The tentacle set the couch down by Acier's bedside, closest to the window where Dorothy had been seated.

Sebastian wordlessly walked around and took a seat on the couch's left end, with Noelle in his lap, right beside Acier. He shot a look over his shoulder; Dorothy and Nozel exchanged subtly amused glances before they walked over and sat beside him, Dorothy on his right, Nozel on her right.

With a broad grin, Sebastian glanced at Amara and Aurelia across from him on the other side of the bed. "No, I think my family is more important. Paperwork can wait. Whatever you came here for can happen in my presence."

Amara bit her lip, her patience wearing thin. "You'll go that far just to spite me."

Sebastian's hand rested lightly on Noelle's head as he replied, "Alright, Mother, let's get one thing straight. Spending time with my family isn't 'going far' at all."

After a pause, he looked around the room. "Whether you accept it or not, I am your daughter's husband and your grandchildren's father. It's normal for me to spend time with them."

"Wow!" Aurelia replied with a sarcastic smile. "Only took you sixteen years to figure that out."

Sebastian mirrored her expression. "Better late than never."

Aurelia's eyes closed, her smile sharpening. "Would you like a pat on the back? Maybe a few words of praise?"

Sebastian's tone turned just as mocking. "That would be nice of you. I hear you're a pretty good cook—maybe you should make me a sandwich?"

Aurelia's forehead vein throbbed as she shot Acier a strained look.

Acier giggled softly, glancing over at Sebastian.

He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully for a moment, then turned his attention back to Amara and Aurelia.

With a heavy sigh, Sebastian dropped his smug expression and spoke calmly, with no hint of mockery in his tone this time.

"You two seem like you have something to say or ask. Get on with it already. If I can, I'll answer."

Amara and Aurelia exchanged a glance, and after a moment, Amara spoke up, sounding tired.

"When will my daughter..." Her gaze lingered on Acier before turning back to Sebastian, "...be healed?"

Acier, Dorothy, and Nozel visibly tensed.

Sebastian's grimoire appeared beside him, and the room was quickly encased in his barrier spell. Noelle's eyes widened in delight at the ocean-blue glow illuminating the room, her soft giggle doing little to break the thick tension.

Nebra and Solid exchanged a somber look before Nebra tentatively stepped forward, her hands fidgeting as she looked at Acier.

"So...Mother, is it really true?" Nebra couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice. "You're getting better?!"

Acier offered her daughter a strained smile. "Nebra, why would you say that—"

"Sister, we're not idiots!" Aurelia snorted, drawing everyone's attention as she played with Mimosa's cheeks. The baby, however, didn't look amused.

"You might look sick, but otherwise, you behave perfectly healthy. You're not even trying to act sick, like slurring your speech or trembling!"

Amara, Solid, and Nebra nodded in agreement, causing Acier to chuckle hollowly. "...Surprise?"

Acier received an unimpressed look from Aurelia, who then turned to Sebastian.

"About nine days ago, you had me take these two with me to House Vermillion, supposedly to visit their grandmother. Do you really think we're stupid enough to believe that weak excuse?"

Sebastian returned her glare with indifference, and Aurelia pointed accusingly at Nozel.

"And you, young man! I expected more from you, keeping such an important thing away from your aunt and grandmother!" The way Nozel flinched when Amara spoke confirmed her suspicions.

Watching his son bear the brunt, Sebastian cleared his throat and spoke up on his behalf. "I ordered him to keep quiet."

Of course you did! Aurelia huffed, then turned back to Sebastian. "And where exactly do you get off hiding such an important thing from us?"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "First of all, let's get one thing straight. As Acier's husband, I'm far closer to her than either of you. I have every right to do so."

Before Aurelia could rebuke him, he sneered. "And maybe I wouldn't have felt the need to if you two weren't such blabbermouths!"

Aurelia and Amara bristled, and Aurelia protested. "We're no such thing!"

"Oh, really?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow dramatically. "Then remind me, who was it that blabbed about her sister's pregnancy with Nozel to her mother after she confided in her?" He sneered at Aurelia, who stiffened, before shifting his gaze to Amara.

"And who was it that couldn't keep her mouth shut, turning the news into the biggest scandal in House Silva's history in nearly three decades?" Amara lowered her head, unable to respond. Back then, she'd been half-crazed with worry over her daughter's secret affair and half-excited about becoming a grandmother. In the heat of the moment, she'd shared the news at a noblewomen's tea party, not realizing how fast it would spread.

Naturally, the gossiping ladies couldn't keep quiet, and within minutes, nearly all the nobility knew. The scandal that ensued was massive, as noble custom held that boys weren't considered "men" until twenty-one, despite the kingdom's legal adulthood age of fourteen.

House Silva, being a traditional royal family, clung to this outdated view. It would've been one thing if Sebastian and Acier had been engaged, but for an unmarried couple, rumors were scandalous. Hurtful rumors circulated that Acier had taken advantage of Sebastian.

(Which Sebastian kept as a secret he would take to his grave, since it was actually the truth).

(Though not entirely non-consensual).

To save face, Sebastian and Acier were swiftly engaged and married just days before Acier gave birth. Though Sebastian was actually a few days older than Acier, he wasn't yet twenty-one, so he was considered the "child" in the situation, adding more fuel to the fire. Despite Acier's forgiveness, the guilt still lingered, knowing how much misery and discomfort she endured during what should have been joyous milestones.

"Sebastian..." Acier murmured, glancing aside. Her eyes widened as she realized his anger was genuine, not merely an act, as he relieved those unpleasant memories.

A warm feeling blossomed in her chest as she placed her hand on his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Sebastian looked at his wife, reading the silent message in her gaze. Just drop it, please.

Sebastian let out a heavy sigh before looking back at Amara and Aurelia, speaking indifferently, "Well, does that answer your question?"

Aurelia bit her lip, glancing at Solid and Nebra before responding. "And why were they not informed? This has to do with their mother, after all." She added, "And they don't have any reputation as talkers."

Sebastian crossed his arms, still indifferent. "They're children. It's normal for kids their age to want to boast and tell the world that their mother is getting better."

"And what's wrong with that—ack!" Amara coughed mid-sentence, before taking a glass of water from Solid.

After a sip, she handed it back and fixed Sebastian with a glare. "It's a joyous occasion that should be celebrated!"

Sebastian looked at her as if she were missing the obvious. "It seems Father kept you quite sheltered from the politics and power struggles of our House, Mother."

Amara raised a brow in irritation, about to demand an explanation, but a soft sigh from Aurelia drew her attention.

Aurelia gave her mother a knowing look and spoke with begrudging acknowledgment. "What Brother means is that there are many people who would sabotage Sister's recovery if they knew. Some may do so out of ill will toward her, others to weaken House Silva's power and influence."

Amara's eyes widened in realization, while Nebra and Solid looked thoughtful. After a pause, Amara turned to Sebastian, asking hesitantly, "Are you the one treating my daughter?"

Sebastian gave a half-nod. "Not entirely..." He looked to Dorothy on his right and patted her head. "Dorothy here is doing much of the work."

Dorothy blushed slightly, and Sebastian added, "Don't ask how; we won't be telling you." Silently, he apologized to the Agrippa and Faust families.

Amara and Aurelia exchanged glances before bowing their heads. "Thank you... both of you..."

"No need." Sebastian cut them off coldly, making them stiffen. "As I've said, Acier is my wife, and Dorothy's mother. It's only natural to help her."

Dorothy nodded in agreement, earning a fond glance from Nozel, Acier, Nebra, and Solid.

After an awkward moment, Aurelia cleared her throat. "What exactly was my sister sick with? Was it truly from giving birth?" She glanced awkwardly at Noelle.

Acier and Nozel tensed; the curse prevented them from speaking the truth. But Sebastian was quick on his feet.

"Disseminated tuberculosis."

Everyone blinked, unfamiliar with the term.

Sebastian closed his eyes and explained patiently. "A potentially fatal disease that occurs when harmful bacteria spread through the bloodstream. Without proper knowledge and treatment, it can cause someone to waste away rapidly."

They all blinked again, absorbing his words, while Sebastian looked at Acier.

"As for how she got it, I'm not too sure. My best guess is that she overexerted herself doing things she shouldn't have shortly after giving birth, when her immune system was still weak."

Though Sebastian was improvising, Acier lowered her head, feeling genuinely chastised.

"...Okay...?" Amara nodded uncertainly. "You still haven't answered my first question. When will Acier be fully healed?"

Sebastian closed his eyes, contemplating his answer. "If all goes as planned, she should be cured by the end of the month." Though she'll still bear Megicula's mark, he thought grimly.

"Thank goodness." Amara let out a sigh of relief.

"Now get out."

Amara and Aurelia stared incredulously at Sebastian, who pointed toward the door as his barrier spell over it parted, creating an exit. They exchanged confused looks, but their surprise turned to curiosity as Sebastian handed Noelle to Dorothy, who, along with Nozel, started toward the door.

With his hand on the doorknob, Nozel turned to Amara, Aurelia, Nebra, and Solid, and spoke coolly, "It's time for Father to see to Mother's treatment. He needs peace and quiet to focus."

"Oh!" They blinked in realization, feeling a bit sheepish, before following them out, Nebra and Solid helped their grandmother to the door. Once they exited, the barrier resealed over it, and Sebastian slumped back into his sofa, looking exhausted.

Good thing I transmigrated before getting married in my past life—dealing with in-laws is exhausting! he thought, letting out a sigh.

Sebastian began to take off his coat and roll up his sleeves, while Acier watched him fondly. As she lay down on the bed, ready for her treatment, his gaze softened, and his grimoire began flipping its pages.

Hovering his hands over Acier, Sebastian cast his spell. "Water Recovery Magic: Blessed Bath of Heavenly Healing!"

Once again, Acier was encased in a cocoon of water that didn't soak her but instead emitted a soft blue light, its energy flowing through her, cleansing and strengthening her from within. She let out a murmur of delight, feeling the magic's comforting warmth, which seemed to grow stronger with each session. She was tempted to close her eyes and drift off, but something on her mind kept her awake.

"Sebby?" she called softly.

"Hmm?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

Acier mulled over her words for a moment. "Do you have any other... 'schemes' to run with Alfred or on your own soon?"

Sebastian nearly paused mid-spell, furrowing his brow as he thought carefully. "Not that I can think of," he replied honestly. "Why?"

"That's too bad." Acier smiled softly. "I know I said you don't have to explain anything, and I trust you. But...I kind of wanted to get involved in what you're doing."

Sebastian's expression softened. "When the next one comes up, if possible, I'll try to include you."

Acier chuckled.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, continuing his spell. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Acier replied with a shake of her head. "I just thought you'd make an excuse, like I'm too sick, too weak right now, or that I should focus on getting better."

Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. "That's not an excuse; it's the truth. But if you truly want to be involved, it's not my place to stop you." He smiled slightly. "After how patient and understanding you've been with me, it's only fair."

Acier's eyes widened, then softened into a warm smile. Just as she was about to close her eyes, Sebastian's voice called her name.

"Acier?"

"Hmm?" She opened her eyes, seeing him gazing at her with a hesitant expression.

"What is it, Sebby?" Acier asked with a soft chuckle.

Sebastian cleared his throat, a light cough escaping as he bit his lip. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"That depends on what it is." Acier's smile grew playful, her gaze teasing.

While maintaining his spell with one hand, he scratched his cheek with the other, cautiously voicing his question. "Have you... finished thinking about what you wanted to talk to me about? I've tried to be patient, but I can't hold back my curiosity much longer."

"No." Acier shook her head lightly.

"Oh." Sebastian let out a stiff chuckle, nodding awkwardly. "Looks like you need more time to think it over—"

"No," Acier interrupted with a grin.

Sebastian struggled to maintain focus on his spell, his concentration teetering. "No... what?"

Acier chuckled, her eyes gleaming. "I know exactly what I'm going to say, but as we agreed, I won't tell you until I'm fully healed."

"Oh." An awkward silence settled between them as he processed her words. After an hour, he took a deep breath, his voice faintly hopeful. "May I ask... why?"

Acier nodded, closing her eyes with a broad smile. "Because what I'm going to say might make you want to run from me—and I can't have that, can I?"

Sebastian blinked, bewildered. W-what exactly is she planning to say?!

Acier's smile only widened, her eyes still closed. But as Sebastian watched, her smile took on a disturbingly intense edge. His hairs stood on end as a chill prickled down his spine. In his gut, he felt certain that if he lifted her eyelids, he'd find a disturbingly wild look in her eyes.

Before he could speak, Acier opened her mouth, her usual honeyed tone carrying words that felt anything but sweet.

"So, when I'm better... and stronger than you again," she began, her voice soft yet laced with a menacing undertone, "even if you try to run, I'll make sure you can't leave. I'll make sure you never leave my side. I'll chain you and keep you with me until the day I die."

Sebastian's instinct to flee kicked in as Acier's face flushed with a dangerous blush, her gaze dark and intense. He could have sworn cold mist escaped her mouth as she continued, each word binding him like a possession.

"You are mine, Sebastian Theodorous Silva! You always have been, and you always will be!" Her voice was fierce and possessive, her eyes glinting with an eerie fervor.

Sebastian's spell faded just as he finished casting, his neck prickling with cold sweat. He nodded hastily. "Y-yeah. Yeah."

A flood of memories from his shared past with Acier surged through his mind. In front of others, she was gentle, reserved, and had a touch of tsundere charm. But when they were alone, especially in the bedroom, she sometimes flipped a switch, showing a side that bordered on the extreme—an intensity that could rival even the fiercest of yanderes.

After a moment, Sebastian took a few steps back from the bed as the barrier across the room vanished. Reaching for the doorknob, he was almost free when Acier gave him a smile that wasn't quite a smile.

"Sebby?"

He stiffened, turning to face her with a strained expression. "Yes, Acier?"

"Where are you going?" Acier began sitting up in her bed, her eyes fixed on him.

In his current state, he couldn't think of a convincing lie, so he opted for the truth. "Today's my first session studying trap magic under Zara. I need to meet him in my private study in a few minutes."

"Oh?" Acier raised an eyebrow, assessing him closely. After a moment, she nodded, seemingly satisfied by his response.

"Have fun!" she said, her voice suddenly cheerful, her face softening back to her usual demeanor.

Sebastian felt as though he'd been granted a heavenly pardon and gave her a grateful nod before reaching for the door.

"Oh yeah, one more thing, Sebby!"

He froze, closing the door, and turned back around to see that dangerous glint had returned in her eyes. He gulped and nodded, bracing himself.

"We're husband and wife, right, Sebby?" Acier asked, her smile somehow both affectionate and unsettling.

Sebastian nodded weakly. The way you're acting right now makes me wish we weren't! he wanted to scream but wisely kept quiet.

"Well..." Acier began to twirl a strand of her hair, her cheeks tinted with a mix of adorableness and something more unnerving. "Shouldn't husband and wife sleep together in the same bed?"

"Huh?" Sebastian gawked, his mind racing. Isn't this moving a bit fast?! Trying to defuse the situation, he replied, "Um, Acier, you're still recovering. I don't think that's appropriate. Besides, what if your, uh, 'condition' is contagious? You wouldn't want me to catch anything—"

"Sebby." Acier cut him off, her eyes narrowing. "Have fun at your lesson," she repeated.

"O-okay?" He wanted to dash out of there, but he sensed she wasn't quite finished.

Acier playfully scratched her chin, her tone softening but her gaze piercing. "I expect to see you back here by 11 at the latest. I'll be waiting."

Before he could respond, she continued, her smile widening into something almost chilling. "If you're not... I'll come find you. Even if it means walking out on my own and letting everyone know that I'm back on my feet again!"

"Understand?" she asked, her voice laced with finality.

Sebastian nodded desperately.

Acier's smile softened, pleased. "Good! See you tonight, Sebby!" She waved gently.

Sebastian didn't waste a second, dashing out of the room as fast as he could.