Chapter 855: Where did I go wrong? (4)
Gu Rong's shirt was crumpled by this point with Luo Liuxian firmly holding it in her trembling fists as if she was forcing him to stay near her.
"Rong, please…please listen to me. Please forgive me! I never…never wanted to betray you. I-I just don't know what took over me…But!"
She looked at him with a tiny silver of hope in her fatigued eyes. "But we can…we can p-put that past us, Rong! I beg you…I cannot see Yating anymore. I c-cannot raise him knowing what I did and y-you wouldn't want him either-"
Gu Rong slowly but surely tugged her hand off his shirt. He wasn't sure what to think about but his heart craved for distance at this moment.
"Did you make Yating sick all these times before?"
"I-I had no choice!" She cried. "It was just hard watching him! I don't know what to do with him…"
He stared at her, unable to comprehend her thought process. "He is still your son."
She screamed. "But he is not yours-"
"Let's not…shout, shall we? Yating is resting."
She stiffened.
"Waaaaaa…" Yating wailed from the bed, jolting with the sudden loud voice.
Gu Rong breathed hard. "Leave me alone for some time."
"Rong, please. You h-have to-"
"Please Luxian. I heard what I had to. I just want to be alone now."
Luo Liuxian shook hard, biting her lip. She threw a glance at Yating and couldn't help but feel bitter. But she lowered her head and quietly left the room.
As the door closed and silence filled inside, Gu Rong finally allowed to let out his shaking breaths. He was holding the urge to cry, but the truth was so devastating that even tears forgot to slip out of his eyes.
His knees slowly lost their strength to keep standing anymore and he collapsed on the bed. He vacantly stared at the floor, trying to make any sense of the situation. But he couldn't. There was nothing that came to his mind.
The only emotion that moved him were his tears rolling down his cheeks silently.
A few moments later, he felt a feathery touch on his hand and he looked back. Yating was smiling and giggling at him as he tried to reach his hand.
"Baaaa…"
Gu Rong stared at his tiny and chubby hand reaching out to him. But he ever so slightly retreated his hand back. The light from his black irises had lost somewhere deep into the abyss.
And now there seemed nothing…that could bring him back from that pitch black world.
—
Nothing really moved between them in the upcoming days to come. Gu Rong maintained his silence and no matter how many times Luo Liuxian tried to reach out to him, he would simply turn his back on her. They lived under the same roof, yet their hearts were miles apart. That only unnerved and agitated her further.
But one day, he finally let her know his decision.
"We cannot be together anymore."
Luo Liuxian held a glazed stare. "...What?"
Gu Rong's gaze was equally lost and defeated. "We should separate."
When the reality registered in her, her vision turned blurry with tears settling in her irises. "No…P-please no Rong…"
He said without emotion, "Yes, Liuxian. There is nothing that can save this marriage. I thought and thought a lot about us in the last few days. I know you went through a hard time. There was just so much of a burden to bear. I feel pathetic why I couldn't realize your suffering before?
I was an idiot."
He pressed his lips as he peered into his eyes.
"But I also remained ignorant of your troubles because you didn't share anything with me either, Liuxian. Why? If it was hurting you that badly, why would you bottle it all up in your heart? Weren't we supposed to deal with all our problems together? It's only because of that assurance that I could come this far. Because I knew I could share anything with you and I did.
I would get the strength from you and I got it. But instead of reaching out to me, you chose to hold somebody else's hand."
Luo Liuxian tried to speak but she couldn't let out any words from her lips.
"How would things be solved if we don't communicate with each other? If you remain silent and show a false smile on your lips, then how does that take us anywhere?"
He clenched his fists, bitterness filling his gaze. "That's why I cannot just ignore what happened. I cannot forget or forgive what you did, Liuxian. I won't be able to love you like before. How…How will I? You tell me, Liuxian.
How should I forget that some other man made a place in your heart other than me? How should I forget that you allowed him to…"
He bit his lip hard, tears threatening to brim his eyes. He didn't dare complete that sentence.
"Just tell me one thing, Liuxian. How should I trust you again?"
"Rong…" her voice was almost a whisper. "I promise it won't happen again! I-I have realized-"
"Your promises…don't hold any value to me anymore, Liuxian."
She froze. Her heart thudded like crazy as his decision tore right through it as an ultimatum.
"Please don't do this, Rong! I…"
A dull pain engulfed her head and she breathlessly began to tremble. Gu Rong's eyes widened seeing her deteriorating condition and he immediately held her but she had already fainted by then.
"Liu-Liuxian!"
He checked her pulse but could barely feel it. Panicked, he immediately took her to the hospital.
Thirty minutes later, the doctor stepped out and said, "There is nothing physically wrong with her. But mentally, it's a different case."
"I don't understand…" Gu Rong said, perplexed.
"I advise you to take her to visit her gynecologist who helped her with her delivery and also a clinical psychologist. I strongly believe she has been going through postpartum depression for a while. And if that is so, then your wife needs all the support and care from you as her husband in this difficult time."