Chapter 107: I Just Want To Cry
(From Blue's Perspective)
"You belong to me. So don't even try to run away. It's pointless, darling."
I wanted it to stop. It was not real. I was telling myself, but slowly, I could not even hear my own voice. It was as if the dream was pulling me in, dulling all my senses.
"You're supposed to be mine, my wife. I don't want to hurt you. So, be a good girl and stay with me."
"It's not you," I said. "Please stop it. Come to your senses. It's not you."
"Ugh, I hate this. What sense? I don't understand the senses of people in this world. This world was never meant for me. But you understand me, don't you? I know you do, my wife.
Please be mine, darling. You can only be mine."
I did not know what happened next. When I opened my eyes again, I was on my bed and Ezekiel was sitting beside me in a chair while Ruby was standing beside him.
"You're awake!" Ezekiel exclaimed.
"... Did I faint?" I asked.
"Yes. It... It has been three hours," Ruby said. "We were really scared. The doctor came and checked Your Highness up as well. We're so glad you're okay..."
She looked like she had even cried and Ezekiel looked pretty drained out. They must have got a big scare.
But what about me? How was I feeling? I had no idea... I did not know what that dream was about. It was as if those words were sucking me in. More than his words, I was scared of that smile.
I did not want to see it again.
"What happened that time? You were screaming and shaking," Ezekiel asked.
"I... It's nothing. I just had a weird dream," I smiled, though it was forced. "It's nothing, really. Ah, you haven't gone to the festival, have you?"
"How could we? Your Highness was sick," Ruby said.
"Where is Mother?" I asked. "She wanted to go..."
"Your Highness, your life is more important than the festival. Her Highness checked up on Your Highness a while ago. She told me to take good care of Your Highness," Ruby said. "Your Highness should rest now. You look very pale."
"Yeah, my head hurts as well," I said. "I guess I will rest..."
"Do you want me to be..."
"No," I said. "I would like to be alone. Please leave me alone."
After they left, I sat on the bed and put my palms on my face. Yes, I just wanted to cry. And tears did not stop either, as if they were waiting for the moment I would let it all out.
It was hard to breathe. The air stuck in my throat did not want to get out at all and it was as if I was being suffocated. I did not like this feeling at all. I did not like the fact that I was scared of him merely because of a dream. But in truth, I was and I could not help but get even more scared.
That dream kept crawling inside my head. Every word was like a needle, his smile was like poison. I hated it. I wanted to escape it.
But what if it was a lie? What if it was just a dream? I knew that his love was excessive, but it did not go to this point, or I would have noticed. But why would I have a dream like this? He had never been like this to me in real life.
I was confused. It was as if I was trying to convince myself of something I knew was a lie. And the more I thought about it, the more confusing it got. I just wanted it to stop. And for the first time in all this time I was here, I was kind of scared to meet Demetrius.
It was all because of the dream. We were okay. We were doing alright. I was happy with my husband. And just when I was having a good time, that dream had to invade my mind.
"I just want to be happy. Is it too much to ask for?"
Perhaps happiness was not meant for me. Just when I thought I was having a good time, something had to happen. For the first time in my life, I felt good being somewhere and I felt like I belonged there. Since childhood, I was like a burden. I was not welcomed. At home, my family did not want me.
My father hated me for being born. My mother hated me as well for unknown reasons. My brother Draven hated me as well. Only Maxen cared about me. But even he could not stop them from hitting me as they pleased. At school, I got good grades, but I did not have any friends.
People would talk to me there, but I was not close with anyone.
Loneliness was something I had experienced since the moment I was born. I always stood alone. No one truly cheered me on or helped me move forward. I was just surviving, not living. No one cared if something happened to me. And I was sure that if I was found dead someday, no one would care as well.
After I came here, first I thought my life was finished for sure. I thought Demetrius would make me his slave. In that case, perhaps I would not even fear killing myself. But he married me instead and spoiled me like a princess. I did not know happiness was this sweet. He loved me more than anything else and cared for me.
Even when his love was excessive, I accepted him because I was not a normal woman either. I was greedy. I always wanted more. And nothing would ever be enough for me.
Was it happening because I was greedy? Because I was never satisfied? But what could I do? I had never felt this way before. Perhaps that was why even the slightest touch of care made my heart flutter.